Male feminist dating sites
Don’t mix up your internal defensiveness, which can arise at having your real privilege pointed out, with the external message you are receiving. ”: just like conversations about condoms, consent, in addition to being basic human decency, is also sexy. But for those who do, there are ways to know yourself and offer the truth in a responsive way that are not ‘just the same’ as what ‘women’ do necessarily. Knowing the person you’re hooking up with has the skills and capacity (not just the intention) to stick around afterwards to make sure you’re both ok, that both your dignities and your capacity to get along will survive the hookup – or the relationship – after it ends makes for much, much better sex. If you miss something, you don’t do the work yourself, and someone has to approach you with a way in which they feel you’ve been sexist or clueless,.Is there trust being offered to you behind anger or critique – trust that you’re the kind of person who is open to growth and change? Masculine energy can be deeply protective and powerful when it is accountable in these ways, where emotions are present to heal, protect, and create shelter. And maintaining trust post-hookup builds stronger movements, because the physical and emotional intimacy shared creates a permanent bond, instead of a permanent rift. Actively taking on the identity of a feminist man means you are equally responsible to do your own research and actively notice these things. That shit is not easy when you’ve just been harmed by behavior normalized through dominant scripts.If you were interested in a possible partnership or in an ongoing relationship, and then aren’t or are less sure, and you feel bad about that, do not avoid saying so to make your life easier.Just name the emotion proactively as it shifts and be to the changes in the other as you express your needs.Do not buy into this culture’s sexist assumption that emotional needs are wrong – they are normal, and right, and good. Don’t mix up acting ‘nice’ with being a genuinely good person.Kindness and treating people well are valuable, but politeness can be violent if it masks normalized oppression.Do not make it their job to ask for a conversation to get you both back to a good place together. Do not run away if things get uncomfortable or you start to feel emotions that confuse you.
This comfort is necessary in order to be honest with the other person, and to create shared expectations so no one ends up feeling used or played. Do not tell the other person what you think they want to hear – you do not know what they want to hear.
Maybe you’re a Marxist or a socialist; maybe you’re an anarchist. You believe that our movements are stronger if they include everyone. If you’re not ready to work with the emotion to make sure everyone is ok afterwards, then you’re not ready for the sex.
This is not the 1950s; if you’re committed to social justice but you are still marching along using ‘the rules’ to govern dating, it’s time to consider the connection between your politics and your personal life. You’re a straight monogamous cisgendered feminist man,and you want to hook up with or date women? If you’re the kind of person who avoids your own or other people’s emotions, then you’re not going to be able to have good consent conversations until you get more comfortable with your own and other people’s emotions. Read books on consent, on attachment styles, and on radical conflict resolution skills.
You are responsible to be self-aware and communicative so the other can make consent decisions.
Do not tell someone you’re serious about them or planning to follow up with them romantically if you’re actually not sure.